Saturday, 29 January 2011

Ssh! Nursey is Incognito

I think I'm putting in my last appearance in this attire.
Why? Ask you.
Because I'm frightened of the litigation.

Maybe you missed the news story? Earlier this month the Red Cross forced a panto production in Glasgow to change their nurse's costume which was.... somewhat like mine. Apparently putting a red cross on a nurse's costume when it is not being worn by a Red Cross Nurse... is violating the Geneva Convention.

I thought the Geneva Convention was about how you treated prisoners of war - and torture - and extraordinary rendition and stuff. But apparently its principles extend to pantomime costume also. You can click here and read the article if you don't believe me.

Whatever. I don't want to be arrested and flown to Guantanamo because of my significant attire.

"Ho-hum." You say "Why you wearing it anyway? The Old Man's not sick is he?"

No he ain't really. He's just been to see his Heart Nurse (hope she's wearing the right uniform or there'll be trouble) and she says he needs to take some more water pills for a few days cos she thinks there's some fluid in his lungs... And she airily says that's how it will be from now on.... and gradually it sinks in that there is no return to pre-op status for The Old Man. This is his condition now. Officially a "heart failure" patient. Where did all the ..."Let's see how he is six months after the op" talk go?

Now Heart Nurse says she hadn't been told about his original stay in the Heart Op hospital? Can't believe that. Certainly the locum Heart Nurse who made the first visit knew. I get so sick of the lack of communication.

Meanwhile The Old Man is wondering if he is ever going to get the results of the biopsy on his mush cos the cut has healed and it's starting to itch again. He looks up the hospital department in the book.... and there ain't no phone number.... Quelle surprise.

But don't think, for one moment, that I support this government's NHS plans. Cos I don't.

Anyway. On the more amusing medical side ....
We's both a bit addicted to "House" - the American TV series with a misanthropic wunderkind doctor, played with great conviction by Hugh Laurie. We have to watch it on DVD since Sky bought it for broadcast over here. And nothing with Rupert Murdoch's signature on it is allowed into The Old Man's house.

For those who don't know the gist - each episode contains a patient with a puzzling and increasingly deteriorating medical condition... the team swaps investigations, procedures, drugs, arguments and side-swipes until, in a moment of off-duty chat, realisation of the underlying medical problem comes to Dr. Gregory House. (When he has finished toying with the lives of his work colleagues and sole friend, that is.)

Since The Old Man has been watching this latest DVD series, he runs a check list:
"Had that."
"Oh. Yep that's me."

Last night The Old Man scores "lymphoma", "warfarin", and "mitral heart valve failure". It's like winning a triple word score in Scrabble... or getting the final number in "Bingo" .... or... No I can't... that would be too..... "House!"

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