I Could Eat A Horse..... Mushroom

I am on a diet. And this is my first day.
I have chosen to try the trendy 5:2 diet... 5 days eat normally and 2 days.... a lot less. I am hoping to look like Georgie Osborne by the end of it. I shall brush my hair forward and pop on a smart little suit and tell everybody how wonderful life is for us all.

Anyhoo!
Breakfast is a memory and so I turn my head to look longingly towards the bowl of miso soup with vegetables and mushrooms and some (please?) noodles that I shall construct for supper. Mushrooms appear to have virtually no calories at all. So I may purloin the entire fridge supply.
The Old Man will have to be independent... so he has hauled in some meat and is contemplating curry or pie.
I shall slurp my spoon and feel virtuous... and a little weak and furious.
Bish Bosh Bash.... let me put the kettle on. Blimey... I must dash to the kitchen. Suppose The Old Man fancies beef and mushroom pie?
Hey! Hold on there.....