Madame Deficit On Literacy And Language In Cornwall

Bonjours, mes amis... Je suis desolated that I have not been paying attention to you recently. Instead, I have been tending my pretty lambs. After all, hard times are depressing times. Better to dress prettily and dance in the meadows, I think. No. Really. Let us not discuss the price of bread.

But on the subject of financial management.... Cornwall Council have taken a leaf out of the Good Government's book. If you can't pay for something... delegate payment to those beneath you. And so they propose that libraries and the accompanying luxury of books and reading (to be accessed by all) be the privilege and financial responsibility of local and parish councils or "volunteer groups". (After all, my dears, there is nothing to this business of running libraries but the timely application of duster to book and keeping shelves tidy, n'est-ce pas?)

Meanwhile they do intend to place serious emphasis on their campaign to promote the Cornish language. (Why not remove all books in English from the library shelves, I do wonder? And replace them with books in Cornish? This will save space also, I believe.) Mais Non. They intend to encourage their staff to answer the phones in Cornish. Wonderful. A great move towards understanding all round.
However... for my silly self... I do neither speak nor understand Cornish and may have to move to Oxford and encourage council staff to greet me in Latin...

Madame Deficit Considers Scottish Indepence

Bon jour...Mes amis écossais.... today you say whether you wish to be independent of the jolly old UK.
I do not blame you for considering it.
But it is really Westminster you do object to, non?
Believe me Celtic friends... or perhaps it is... Gaelic friends... many of us in the hedonistic south do also feel that Westminster is an isle unto itself. If you succeed in becoming independent....Can we be too? And just leave Westminster to get on with life by itself which is to say.... independently?
Alors....We shall see what you decide soon.

Just one moment, though. Perhaps if you say "Yes"... you would consider admitting an immigrant? I find that I have Scottish "baker" blood in two strands of my illustrious ancestry.
So.... I can bring plenty of cake.
Please?

Madame Deficit Considers Rural Life And Chilblains

Alors, mes enfants. I do love the pretty, rural life, don't you?... Peace, tranquillité, a simple way of living that do bring us connection with the earth..... Mais... How can this poor person have this "chilblains" thing? They have lived the life of a generation blessed with ease, free education, jobs and pensions. And gold-plated pensions too, yes? It is not possible that they can be cold.
After all, this kind government do agree that the cost of energy and fuel be outrageous at the moment. They do declare that the price of Gas and Electricity must be reasonable, yes? That suppliers must put their customers on the best tariff. Pouf! Naughty suppliers.
Nevertheless I agree that the government does not appear to have given much thought to the particular fuel cost problems of those who live a life of charm in the countryside. In such rural areas there is not always access to supplies of Mains Gas. People may have to use either Oil or LPG for their heating and cooking. And it appears that Oil and LPG do cost much more than Mains Gas.

So... for example... we have this particular couple... who do not run the hot water except during the couple of hours in the mornings and the evenings when the LPG central heating is on.... Even so the LPG do cost more than one hundred pounds per month. (They have already switched supplier - a choice that has become almost impossible over the years because the area's main supplier (a nationwide company) have bought up most of the local independents.) Remember also that this fuel bill is for LPG alone. There are Electricity bills to be paid on top of that. And there is no recourse to "dual fuel tariff" deals in such households. No electricity supplier includes Oil or LPG supply in such price schemes.
Alors! So...
Cold hands, cold water, un peu de fragilité... et voilà... lumpy, blistered, itchy chilblains...

I can only suggest that, if this man's hand is so cold, he can chop wood to keep it warm, non?

Madame Deficit Considers Badgers And The Sporting Life

Zut Alors!
Badgers do play football.
Quel jolly animals. How intelligent. How sportif.
It is official that they do... for the Environment Secretary Owen Paterson have said that the little beasts have "moved the goalposts" in the night-shooting exercise that is the West Country Badger cull.

Of course I know also that badgers play football.
My own joli petit potager be proof of this.

Many a morning.... as I do walk through the garden....I find that the wooden logs that mark out the vegetable plots be moved aside and be all over the place. The naughty animals have been having jolly good fun with a midnight "friendly" five-a side game. And.... not only do I find this evidence of "moving the goalposts" but I do find their "ball"..... which be nothing less than one of my precious winter squashes....

Eh bien! You can see the scars left by a set of claws. Plainly some naughty badger have handled the ball. But sadly for them... the "Hand of God" have not intervened in the deadly game in Somerset. The firm that is charged with shooting the little players have had their license to kill extended. Mr Paterson do consider that not enough badgers have been killed to prove the experiment ....which is the badgers fault for rearranging the goal posts and for being badgers.

And what if this extension is not enough? Pouf! Mr Paterson be considering gassing next. He is most certainly determined to get the little blighters, ain't he?
Tiens! Guns and gas. C'est comme la première guerre mondiale une fois de plus, non?

Madame Deficit Contemplates The Desolate North East

Ah mes enfants! The Tory Lords do express themselves again.

I know that ... when organising the rural view... one must know what to conserve and what to discount.
Clearly Lord Howell ... father-in-law of Chancellor George Osborne who recently announced tax breaks for the fracking industry.... is of like mind. For he do declare during a "Lords debate" that fracking should be carried out in the North East of England because it be largely uninhabited and desolate... devoid of natural beauty and the kind of rural environment which occurs further south and must be protected. I think that is what he more or less says... though I may be wrong. Surely I must be?

Alors! One is never sure with Lords such as Freud and Howell. But I think Lord Howell be a little embarassed at his jaw-dropper for he appears to have apologised.
Ah mon pauvre petit... quelle domage.

If you have strong doubts about fracking.... 38 Degrees is running a campaign and is looking for a bit of a pledge.

Madame Deficit Considers The Freudian Slip.... Again

Ooh-la-la. Lord Freud is at it again.
This time the particular "droit du Seigneur" he is exercising over the poor....
.....is his view that the increased use of food banks is because (like Mount Everest) they are there.

In other words it  has nothing to do with increasing social need. Rather it  is a question of  supply and demand. Food banks are not part of this government's welfare system but - as he puts it: “If you put more food banks in, that is the supply. Clearly food from a food bank is by definition a free good and there's almost infinite demand.” (Read more of the Lord's jaw-dropping argument here).

Aaah j'adore such a grasp of reality.... from planet Zog, I think. But it is a grasp he have shown before. Remember his comment in November 2012 that the poor have the least to lose so they should take more risks?

Is Baron Freud out of touch with the problems of poverty? C'est possible? Clearly he is adrift on access to  food banks, I think. It is my understanding that one cannot just nip to the food bank in your nightie like it was a 24 hour Tesco. Mais, non..... One has to be issued with vouchers by a "care professional" who has judged one to be in need of urgent assistance.

One assumes that this care professional has a clearer grasp of reality than our Work and Pensions Minister....  Je l'espère.

Madame Deficit Considers ... A Man For Our Times

Bonjour, mes enfants! C'est moi .... keeping a finger on the pulse of your nation.

I observe that many of you have expressed your wish to be represented by UKIP in your recent local elections. By the way.... quelle jolie couleurs that UKIP logo, yes? Yellow and purple... yum. And that big "£" sign in the middle..... Myself I do sometimes mistake it for a sign advertising Poundland... Perhaps it is.

Quand même, I be impressed with the English path to political success via the media. I do myself most certainly know the power of Bad Press and do speak as a foreign immigrant who quite lost her head as a result of it. (Check my sad history if you do not know to what I do refer.)

But I am glad to see that not being a democratically elected Member of Your Parliament (as well indeed as being leader of a Party which have ANY elected Members of Parliament) is a bar to being asked for one's views on government policies by all the media - as that excellent UKIP leader Mr Farridge do demonstrate. (Il n'y a pas une telle chose comme la mauvaise publicité. Oui?)

A truly democratic way of gaining power and a skill to admire. Certainly he do receive the seal of approval of one Tory MP, Monsieur Jacob Rees-Mogg who do consider that most Conservatives would prefer Mr Fararge to replace the Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg as Deputy Prime Minister. Miracle des miracles. What skill that Faridge man have. Whoosh. Magic wand... Deputy Prime Minister. No need for a national ballot box whatsoever. By the way I believe you do have an elected Green Member of Parliament. But she (Yes... SHE..) be not asked much about anything recently. Quelle dommage and windfarms.  I also understand that UKIP have no representative in your elected House of Commons, but they do have several party members in your House of Lords (largely through Lordies changing their minds about which party they belong to).

I admit to being fascinated by this Party's logic in standing for election to a Parliament whose existence they do not agree with.... by this I mean the Horned One in Brussels... the European Parliament. If they get their way and you do leave Europe.... alors, all those poor UKIP MEPs will lose their jobs! Perhaps they will be only too glad to sacrifice their salaries and expenses.... throwing it all back in the faces of those dreadful bureaucrats as they depart Brussels en masse. A triumph for the logic of politics.

Mais.... la politique est le langage de l'émotion, n'est-ce pas?
Bye for now, mes enfants. I have sheep and goats to sort and bad cheese to make.

Madame Deficit Considers Gove's Climate Of Opinion

Ah my darlings. Did you realise that  here in the UK our radical Secretary of State for Education Mr Gove have gone right off teaching younger children about the climate change debate? Only children studying for a GCSE in Geography may consider the subject if he gets his way.

Of course I do agree that the closest the dear things need come to environmental concerns is the annoyance of litter and whether you should recycle your tins or not. A tidy environment is a healthy one I do say. And who needs to learn about the pseudo-science of climate change when they should be learning Latin instead? Mind you I was quite keen on Latin myself.....

Alors?  Progrès, mes amis. Toujours au plaisir de regarder en arrière. (Progress, my friends. Always look forward to looking back.) But if you do not share this government's view on the merits of under-15s learning about climate change .... then 38 Degrees has a petition you can sign. As does change.org.

Madam Deficit Considers The Plight Of The Poor

Alors! This government is surely not so harsh as accused?

They know that times are hard for the poor and they are continuing to assure that the poor do not overstretch their allotted space with a spare bedroom. (see my November 2012 post).... Although I have to say that I do not remember them being quite so exercised on injustices meted out to those renting in the private sector before... Maintenant they do quote disparities quite often .... But un moment ... Surely Housing Benefit is paid to people renting in the private sector? Alors! What do I miss? Qu'est-ce que j'ai raté?

Any hoo... just as I myself did advise the poor, unable to afford bread,  to resolve their problem by eating cake....

So I am gratified that this government shares my view and has dropped the notion of minimum priced alcohol. It is good to know that the poor can accompany their cake with wine... perhaps a nice glass of "Buckie".

Madam Deficit Observes Cornwall Council's Trust In Their Claimants

In case you have not heard... our wonderful Unitary Council (no  Local Councils in the Duchy of  Cornwall)... [Correction: No"District" Councils] .... has hired Capita to use Voice Risk Analysis (aka crazy "lie-detector" technology) for telephone interviews with claimants of single person discount on council tax. (25% off if you live alone.) The system apparently works on detecting stress in the voice... presumably as an indication of lying..... Oh if only we could use the same (doubtless faultless) technology on politicians... both national and local.

Anyway... it do cause the Conservative Leader of the Council to quit.[Correction: Leader of the Conservative Group on the Council.... My! But I do get sloppy in my annoyance.]

Madame Deficit Admires The Rural View

Oh my dears, as you know I am a lover of the countryside and all things rural... But even I do pause for thought when Planning Minister "Nick" Boles points out the "moral right" of people to have their own homes surrounded with garden. How hard it must be to be a modern Tory... straddling so many viewpoints. Presumably these "moral right" homes should only contain the appropriate number of bedrooms... (see previous post). Consequently, he do say, we must be prepared to start building on open land, tout suite!

Brush away those open fields and rural views. Don't you know that the built environment can be beautiful too? says Mr Boles. Oh but I do, Mr Boles... you can see an example of my own architectural inspiration in one of my previous posts here.

Brush away those green hills and fluffy sheep.. (Oh dear but I be so fond of the petit fluffy mouton things). Brush away the objections of those National Trust 'latter-day Luddites'. (Alors! Was not Daddy Boles a National Trust Chief Exec back in the 1970s?) Build, Build, Build.... but nothing "pig ugly", mind. We must have standards, but let us not stand in the way of progress. Fill the view with lovely, lovely buildings. I am particularly fond of those bijoux estates of houses with gardens... the ones that hunch up together for comfort? Where you can gaze out of the kitchen window at your own patch of lawn, raise your eyes... and stare into the eyes of your neighbour at their kitchen sink ten feet away. Such bonhomie.

And let us not stop there. We must be practical. Nuclear power stations. Lots of those. If we can get some poor mutt to pay for them. Let not the Luddites stand in the way of progress. Let's not mess around with wind turbines. No.. all the fuel generation can now take place where Mr Osborne prefers... out of sight and underground. Aah the joys of fracking.

Build... Build.... However.... I do be a little concerned at the prospect of more rain, Mr Boles. You know.... all those inconvenient floods we do have recently? It just may be that concreting over those useless green fields may contribute to the problem of drainage? Where do the rain waters go? Perhaps I speak out of turn. I just be a little old fluffy head brioche-eater. But.....

Better to build on stilts perhaps?

Madam Deficit Considers Sleeping Space

Naturally this government do have a proper view on what the poor should or should not be prepared to do. According to Lord Freud they (the inconvenient poor) "have the least to lose".

As of April next year... those in social-housing and in receipt of housing benefit must cut their cloth and their living space accordingly. They will see their housing benefit taxed for any spare bedroom they may have! The perceptive Lord Freud has some say in the matter again... which seems to boil down to go somewhere else and/or get a job that will help you pay for your spare bedroom.

I do kind of wonder if there are ever any circumstances that could warrant an extra bedroom? Are there divorced parents with weekend visits from children? Are there people who are trying to set up in business/study for qualifications who need office/storage/study space? And what about the size of this spare bedroom you must not be allowed? My dears... if you go home-hunting you would be surprised at spaces described as "bedrooms"... a cupboard by any other name.

Ah well. Clearly those who have a second-home in London and/or their constituencies for their parliamentary work would have a clear grasp on the matter of "necessary space" for living (their own and their ducks)...... as we have been shown.

Madam Deficit Quotes Freud

No my darlings.... Not Sigmund.... but another of that great and ubiquitous dynasty. I am referring to Lord Freud, Welfare System Reform advisor of choice to New Labour under Blair.... and Minster of same to the Coalition Government under Osborne ... oops! I mean Cameron.

Anyway... I think he just about sums up the prevailing attitude with his statement that...... "...People who are poorer should be prepared to take the biggest risks; they've got the least to lose...."

Then of course there is that other bon mot that has caused a sharp intake of breath in certain quarters.... when discussing the possibility that he may not have any first hand knowledge of what it is like to live on benefits....he says "I think you don't have to the corpse to go to the funeral...."

Well done, there! or was that a Freudian Slip? Grandaddy would be pleased.

Madame Deficit Speaks

Did you know that you can keep warm on colder days by letting your pet sheep sit on your lap? Feed it with chopped mint and stale brioche and your next meal will be ready-stuffed lamb. Delish!

Toodly-pip.

Where Have I Been?

.... Well nowhere of course. But overcome by the eating of brioche I have been swept into the winsome world of Marie-Antoinette. After all... was she not nicknamed by her unhappy peoples of France as "Madame Deficit"? And be not I in similar situation being of pensionable age and having worked in the public sector? It would appear that my position is responsible for the debt of our nation and the ruination of generations to come.

Some months ago The Old Man and I did visit a certain Cheese Shop to buy some .... cheese. In the course of our conversation the owner do ask what jobs we do before retirement... we do both reply "public sector". The owner smirked and do mutter about "gold-plated" pensions. We did take our cheese and leave... but we do not visit the shop any more... which I hope do bring the cheese-man to the realisation that only those with gold-plated pensions can afford the price of his cheese. Meanwhile I do cower if people do ask what I did to earn my living. I fear the village stocks and rotten cabbages... or worse... the tumbrel ....if I do tell them that I worked in the public sector.

Cottage from the Queens Garden.
Photo:Wikipedia

Instead I toss my curls, embrace my frivolous nature and do escape into rural fantasy, gambolling about with my flock of pet sheep and designing model villages so many royals be prone to do. When I do peer at the starving masses I do naturally ask why, if they have no bread do they not eat cake?  "S'ils n'ont pas de pain, qui'ls mangent de la brioche." (Though some people do say that Marie-Antoinette did not actually say this. Which is possible. Speaking as another ninny who seems to be blamed for the poverty of others I have only sympathy with her on that point.)

Alors! I must be off and gather rosebuds whilst I may and work up an appetite for all that brioche I do be baking.